Can't always be super mom

My lowest of lows...

So yesterday afternoon I reached a breaking point. I found myself on the stairs crying because I just couldn't take it anymore. Everyday I try my hardest to be supermom / wife. I push myself to try and get everything done without asking for help. This is one thing I never seem to do and it drives Vincent up a wall. I have issues with asking for help, even asking Vincent for help. To me asking for help means that I am weak and can't do it all even though I know I can't. My morning and midafternoon were going rather well, even though I was running on about 3 hours of sleep. But then about the time I was going to start dinner Sariah melted down. It seemed that she was doing everything in her power to drive me nuts. Like getting into the cabniets and pulling things off the shelves. When I put the gate up to keep them out of the kitchen she just started screaming as loud as she could. 
                                 
I was already upset because Vincent had told me that we was going to take Kyle outside with him while he made the pallet table for the kids and then changed his mind. Rightfully so as he was going to be using power tools and didn't want the kids around them. Because I was already upset every little thing just added to the pot making things worse. I went about cutting the veggies for my stir-fry listening to Sariah crying and screaming. It didn't help that Kyle was picking on her making her even more upset. I eventually gave in to her and let the gate down. big mistake! At this point I had the veggies cooking so I brought her back into the living room and turned on something on netflixs. Usually that makes her better, not this time. She kept crying because she was both hungry and sleepy. I kept trying to tell her I was working on it just to calm down. But of course being 1 (well not just yet) she didn't understand what I was telling her. Next thing I noticed was my veggies that were suppose to be steaming were burning! At that point after listening to almost an hour of non-stop crying and dinner buring I had enough. Do you think I would go outside and ask Vincent for help...no of course not. I was still mad at him and was blaming him for that fact that Sariah was upset. In hindsight all she wanted was to spend time with mommy and help me.

But I just couldn't help it. I went and sat on the stairs and started crying.
                                  
The baby gate was up and both of my children were at the bottom of the stairs looking at me. Even though Kyle couldn't say mommy it will be okay, he had that look. Finally Vincent came inside to find me on the steps crying, along with Sariah crying. He made a comment about how if structed activites for them they wouldn't be like this. His comment wasn't meant to be upsetting as he was just trying to tell me why they were acting this way. I quickly snapped at him and told him he could watch them and I went up to my room.

What I have realized is that I need to get back to my schedule for the kids, I can't do everything myself, and I need to stop and ask for help when I need it.
It's so hard for me to talk about this because I don't want people to know that I was on my steps crying, but I wanted to shared that everyone has bad days.