Can't always be super mom

My lowest of lows...

So yesterday afternoon I reached a breaking point. I found myself on the stairs crying because I just couldn't take it anymore. Everyday I try my hardest to be supermom / wife. I push myself to try and get everything done without asking for help. This is one thing I never seem to do and it drives Vincent up a wall. I have issues with asking for help, even asking Vincent for help. To me asking for help means that I am weak and can't do it all even though I know I can't. My morning and midafternoon were going rather well, even though I was running on about 3 hours of sleep. But then about the time I was going to start dinner Sariah melted down. It seemed that she was doing everything in her power to drive me nuts. Like getting into the cabniets and pulling things off the shelves. When I put the gate up to keep them out of the kitchen she just started screaming as loud as she could. 
                                 
I was already upset because Vincent had told me that we was going to take Kyle outside with him while he made the pallet table for the kids and then changed his mind. Rightfully so as he was going to be using power tools and didn't want the kids around them. Because I was already upset every little thing just added to the pot making things worse. I went about cutting the veggies for my stir-fry listening to Sariah crying and screaming. It didn't help that Kyle was picking on her making her even more upset. I eventually gave in to her and let the gate down. big mistake! At this point I had the veggies cooking so I brought her back into the living room and turned on something on netflixs. Usually that makes her better, not this time. She kept crying because she was both hungry and sleepy. I kept trying to tell her I was working on it just to calm down. But of course being 1 (well not just yet) she didn't understand what I was telling her. Next thing I noticed was my veggies that were suppose to be steaming were burning! At that point after listening to almost an hour of non-stop crying and dinner buring I had enough. Do you think I would go outside and ask Vincent for help...no of course not. I was still mad at him and was blaming him for that fact that Sariah was upset. In hindsight all she wanted was to spend time with mommy and help me.

But I just couldn't help it. I went and sat on the stairs and started crying.
                                  
The baby gate was up and both of my children were at the bottom of the stairs looking at me. Even though Kyle couldn't say mommy it will be okay, he had that look. Finally Vincent came inside to find me on the steps crying, along with Sariah crying. He made a comment about how if structed activites for them they wouldn't be like this. His comment wasn't meant to be upsetting as he was just trying to tell me why they were acting this way. I quickly snapped at him and told him he could watch them and I went up to my room.

What I have realized is that I need to get back to my schedule for the kids, I can't do everything myself, and I need to stop and ask for help when I need it.
It's so hard for me to talk about this because I don't want people to know that I was on my steps crying, but I wanted to shared that everyone has bad days.

Garden Pictures

 My homemade raised bed. Cantelope and I can't wait!

 Our front yard. There are a total of 3 box beds and 3 pots. 

 Yummy corn, tomatoes, squash and cucumbers

A raised bed of mainly herbs with strawberries and peppers.

Getting things done

Just some updates:

I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for my parent's help. Thanks to my dad the floor is basically done in the back room, at least we can now walk across it without worrying about falling thru. My parents have also gotten us a washer machine. It is so nice to be able to wash our dirty clothes here instead of the laundry mat. Going to the laundry mat was always an adventure because I would have to pack up both kids and the clothes. Sometimes it's rather hard to entertain small children at the laundry mat.

Vincent has been scanning all his family pictures he has (there is a lot) from his Great Aunt Barbara. This can be a very daunting task as well as time consuming.

I have my garden pretty much done. Only thing left to plant is the blueberry bush, my strawberries in the front, and my hanging tomatoes. This should be done either Sunday afternoon or Monday.

Wednesday we have an appointment with a First Steps consular so we can talk about Kyle's speech. He is behind in his speech and I think he will need a speech therapist to help get him caught up.

Invitations have been ordered for Sariah's first birthday and I am so excited. Next I will be planning Kyle's 2nd birthday :) Wow has time flown by.

So that is it for now. I will be posting pictures of the newly redone back room and the garden soon.

Such a pretty room for such a pretty girl

Since the time that Sariah was born she has shared a room with Kyle. Having them share a room has been kinda rough at times, although it has been a good experience overall. The first 2 weeks in the new house Kyle and Sariah shared a room, mainly so we didn't change to much up at once. Since they were sharing a room this gave me a chance to get her room done. Although it isn't completely finished it has come along rather nicely and she is already moved in. 

Getting the room ready

First coat of paint

                                       

Letting the paint dry

Moved in (My goal is to get the wooden letters over her bed)

Still have one more self to hang. And I am working on getting her a white dresser

Oh The Simple Things

If there is one thing that having children has taught me (besides patience), it is that you can find joy even in the simplest things. Before I had even gotten pregnant I always told myself that my kids would have the best of everything, toys, clothing, etc. Once I got pregnant with Kyle we didn't have a lot of money, so it was a lot of second hand stuff that was bought. No biggie, because I soon realized that he quickly grew out of things or had no interest in the toys he did have. What has brought him the biggest joys are boxes! He has a love of boxes both big and small. They make the best of toys! We have one really big box that is turned on it's side. Kyle uses that box as kinda like a hideout and he thinks it is the coolest thing ever.

So here is my advice, if you ever think you need a lot of gadgets or toys to make you happy take a lesson from Kyle. Just enjoy the small simple things of life.

Home Owners

     So we finally signed the papers last week and we got the house for an ending price of $16,000! I am super excited and nervous. I have never actually owned a house before and I think the last big purchase I made was my car. The nice thing about paying cash outright for the house is no more house payments. There is a piece of mind that comes with knowing you own the house, that no one can take it away from you. Now when you first see the house you would probably think to yourself, "what the heck where you thinking?!" Yes, as of right now the house kinda has that death trap look to it, but it's not really that bad. There are some major things that need to be fixed but there are also the minor things that make it look much better. What I love about this house is that I can make it my house. I can tear down walls, put walls up, add rooms, paint the walls and just do whatever.
      What really got me excited about the house was the huge backyard! While we were waiting for our agent to come show us the house we went in the backyard. Kyle and Sariah loved it. They loved running / crawling through the grass. I could just picture being outside and watching the kids playing as they get older. I could see my garden in the corner and the berry bushes lining the fence. When we first went in the house the kids went nuts. It's probably the biggest house they have been in yet. It felt like home even though it was completely empty. I could picture Vincent in his office doing his work while me and the kids are in the kitchen making lunch. I could picture their laughter echoing through the house as well as their screaming at one another.
      All I can say is that this house is a blessing, and had it not been for God I am not sure we would have gotten it.

Home Owners

Where to live
Over the last 3 months or so we have discussed where and how we wanted to live. Questions we posed were: do we move back to Utah, do we do full time rv live and split our time, or do we look into possibly getting another house. For the longest time the choice was to full time out of a big rv, and we had even found our dream rv. This however changed about a week ago when Vincent had a job in Richmond, IN. As we were driving back from Richmond through Liberty we happened to notice a house for sale. The price from what we could see said $49k. Wow was that cheap we thought, and then we decided to look into houses in Liberty. We both like Liberty a lot. It's just a nice, quiet small Indiana town. Well we started looking and we came across a 2300 sq ft house for $20,000! We couldn't believe it and so we had to take a closer look. From the pictures you can tell some work needed to be done, and then the agent over the phone told us about the work that needed to be done as well. Well that didn't stop us from scheduling an appointment.

Going to see the house
So we took my parents with us to check out this house, I mean it really is an awesome deal. As we did the walk through we saw a lot of damage, a lot of work. Some things small, some things not so small. We can't help but admit that we fell in love with this old house from the moment we went inside. Heck, I fell in love with just the backyard! As I walked through the house I could see Kyle and Sariah playing and growing up there. I could also see Vincent in his office working, the garden in the back yard, and family home evenings by the fireplace.

As we got ready to leave the agent told us that an offer had been placed on the house already. What this meant was we had to make a move rather quickly. We looked at a couple other houses in Connersville, but nothing compared to what I now call the "project house 2012". All that night we discussed what we were going to do, and then what type of offer would we make. Finally we decided that we would make an offer of  $16,000 for the house since it needed some repairs.

Making the offer
The next morning Vincent went off to work and I waited for the agent to fax me the paperwork for the offer. I was so excited and nervous at the same time. Is this really what we wanted to do, is this really where we wanted to live? Later that morning I received the fax and filled out the paperwork with the agent over the phone, signed it and e-mailed it back. It was done and our offer was going to be in later that night. My parent's reminded us that if it was God's will for us to have this house we would. Well, around 5:00 Vincent called me and told me that we should raise the offer to about $18,000. I was afraid that it would be too late since it was already after 5pm. I called the office and luckily the lady that submits the bids was still in. I asked her if it was too late to change the bid and she said no that the other agent wasn't able to get the other bid in to the office until the next day. So there we had it, the bid was raised. The agent told us that we might not know anything till Monday, so going all weekend without knowing anything was hard. Well Friday we were given a call by our agent letting us know that the bank wanted a form that showed that we were going to be the owners of the house and not resell it. This was a very good sign. We received her fax and sent it back to her. The idea of waiting all weekend was going to be hard.

Accepting our offer
Monday has since come and gone. I was nervous yet again as to what the bank would say. Then around 1pm we got a call from our agent telling us that the bank would like 10% of the offer for the earnest money to show that we are serious about the house. And that they bank had accepted our offer! Really! I couldn't believe it they had accepted it. So we packed up the kids, got the cashier's check and headed to Richmond to drop off the check. Now all we are waiting for is the bank to get us the paperwork to fill out. Once that is done we can have the home inspection (which worries us) and then move in. I can't believe how fast all this is going, but I can't wait to have a house again. This means that both kids will have their own rooms, Vincent can have an office and we will still have a spare bedroom!

To keep up to date with what is going on check out Project house 2012