Can't always be super mom

My lowest of lows...

So yesterday afternoon I reached a breaking point. I found myself on the stairs crying because I just couldn't take it anymore. Everyday I try my hardest to be supermom / wife. I push myself to try and get everything done without asking for help. This is one thing I never seem to do and it drives Vincent up a wall. I have issues with asking for help, even asking Vincent for help. To me asking for help means that I am weak and can't do it all even though I know I can't. My morning and midafternoon were going rather well, even though I was running on about 3 hours of sleep. But then about the time I was going to start dinner Sariah melted down. It seemed that she was doing everything in her power to drive me nuts. Like getting into the cabniets and pulling things off the shelves. When I put the gate up to keep them out of the kitchen she just started screaming as loud as she could. 
                                 
I was already upset because Vincent had told me that we was going to take Kyle outside with him while he made the pallet table for the kids and then changed his mind. Rightfully so as he was going to be using power tools and didn't want the kids around them. Because I was already upset every little thing just added to the pot making things worse. I went about cutting the veggies for my stir-fry listening to Sariah crying and screaming. It didn't help that Kyle was picking on her making her even more upset. I eventually gave in to her and let the gate down. big mistake! At this point I had the veggies cooking so I brought her back into the living room and turned on something on netflixs. Usually that makes her better, not this time. She kept crying because she was both hungry and sleepy. I kept trying to tell her I was working on it just to calm down. But of course being 1 (well not just yet) she didn't understand what I was telling her. Next thing I noticed was my veggies that were suppose to be steaming were burning! At that point after listening to almost an hour of non-stop crying and dinner buring I had enough. Do you think I would go outside and ask Vincent for help...no of course not. I was still mad at him and was blaming him for that fact that Sariah was upset. In hindsight all she wanted was to spend time with mommy and help me.

But I just couldn't help it. I went and sat on the stairs and started crying.
                                  
The baby gate was up and both of my children were at the bottom of the stairs looking at me. Even though Kyle couldn't say mommy it will be okay, he had that look. Finally Vincent came inside to find me on the steps crying, along with Sariah crying. He made a comment about how if structed activites for them they wouldn't be like this. His comment wasn't meant to be upsetting as he was just trying to tell me why they were acting this way. I quickly snapped at him and told him he could watch them and I went up to my room.

What I have realized is that I need to get back to my schedule for the kids, I can't do everything myself, and I need to stop and ask for help when I need it.
It's so hard for me to talk about this because I don't want people to know that I was on my steps crying, but I wanted to shared that everyone has bad days.

Getting things done

Just some updates:

I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for my parent's help. Thanks to my dad the floor is basically done in the back room, at least we can now walk across it without worrying about falling thru. My parents have also gotten us a washer machine. It is so nice to be able to wash our dirty clothes here instead of the laundry mat. Going to the laundry mat was always an adventure because I would have to pack up both kids and the clothes. Sometimes it's rather hard to entertain small children at the laundry mat.

Vincent has been scanning all his family pictures he has (there is a lot) from his Great Aunt Barbara. This can be a very daunting task as well as time consuming.

I have my garden pretty much done. Only thing left to plant is the blueberry bush, my strawberries in the front, and my hanging tomatoes. This should be done either Sunday afternoon or Monday.

Wednesday we have an appointment with a First Steps consular so we can talk about Kyle's speech. He is behind in his speech and I think he will need a speech therapist to help get him caught up.

Invitations have been ordered for Sariah's first birthday and I am so excited. Next I will be planning Kyle's 2nd birthday :) Wow has time flown by.

So that is it for now. I will be posting pictures of the newly redone back room and the garden soon.

Such a pretty room for such a pretty girl

Since the time that Sariah was born she has shared a room with Kyle. Having them share a room has been kinda rough at times, although it has been a good experience overall. The first 2 weeks in the new house Kyle and Sariah shared a room, mainly so we didn't change to much up at once. Since they were sharing a room this gave me a chance to get her room done. Although it isn't completely finished it has come along rather nicely and she is already moved in. 

Getting the room ready

First coat of paint

                                       

Letting the paint dry

Moved in (My goal is to get the wooden letters over her bed)

Still have one more self to hang. And I am working on getting her a white dresser

Sariah is growing up

The Holidays

For me the holidays just aren’t the same. Why you ask? Well, because I am separated from the one I love. If I had my way I would be in his arms right now, doing well adult things with him since the kids are asleep. But alas we can not be together. This is not my doing and I am dreaming of the day we can be together once and for all. Until that time comes I will dream of waking up and falling asleep in his arms, and being a family that will no longer be broken.

Other then not being with my husband Christmas was good. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to give the kids a good christmas, but I did my best. I think Kyle has liked his gifts, Sariah on the other hand was kinda like eh. Until I get a proper card reader in my computer I can only update pictures that I have copied onto my mom's computer.

Here are the pictures from a couple of the Christmas dinners we had.

Becoming a big girl so fast

Every day that passes Sariah gets another day older. Not only does she get older, but she is trying and learning new things. Today was our first day of sippy cup use. Yes, that is right we used a sippy cup. Now baby girl isn’t even 6 months old yet and I wasn’t sure if she was ready, however big brother Kyle thought she was. It was lunch time for Sariah and I had put her in the high chair / booster seat and I guess Kyle thought she might be a bit thirsty. He took his cup (it has a straw) and put it on the tray and she grabbed it and put it to her mouth and tried to suck on it. So I decided while I am trying to get her to poop to give her apple juice and instead of giving it in a bottle I did a sippy cup that Kyle doesn’t use anymore. She had some issues with the juice running out of her mouth, but other then that she did pretty good.



Still have a hard time seeing how fast she is growing up, next thing you know she’ll be sitting up on her own (we are working on that) and crawling around (she has perfected the art of rolling over) and talking (you can always tell from her blah blahs when she is happy or mad).

These are the times to cherish I say.

Milestones - Comparing my two little ones.

The joy of have two small children can be overwhelming, it can also be very challenging. If one thing is certain, just because Kyle and Sariah share the same DNA and looks they are two different children. This is proven by the way they are developing.
Milestones are a big deal in a child's life, it's really how we base their development. Granted each child can hit those milestones at different times, some children achieve milestone markers before others, while some are just late bloomers. I used to get hung up on Kyle hitting those milestone markers in his early development and would get disappointed when he didn't hit it the month it was to be expected. If Kyle has ever taught me one thing in life it's this...patience! Kyle is who I would consider a late bloomer if you base his development on a milestone chart, but you know what he is learning at his pace. I am in no rush for him to grow up just yet. Do I wish he could walk, yes I do. Do I wish he could / would say more words, yes. But as long as his doctor isn't worried then I am not going to worry about it. Personally I think he knows how to do these things, he just chooses not to do them. He is a very bright little boy, and I see a lot of potential in him.
Sariah on the other hand seems to be hitting her milestones right on track. I mean it's like night and day between the two. Here is a list of the milestones she has hit already

Motor Development

Opens and shuts his hands. More...
Raises his head and chest while lying on his stomach More...
Stretches her legs out and kicks when lying on stomach or back. More...
Supports her upper body with her arms when lying on stomach. More...
Swats at dangling toys placed near him. More...
Mouths objects brought to her face. More...
Reaches and grasps for things with both hands. More...
Pushes down on legs when feet are placed on a firm surface. More...

Visual Development

Watches faces intently. More...
Turns head toward direction of sound. More...
Follows moving objects with his eyes. More...
Recognizes familiar objects and people at a distance. More...

Language Development

Begin to babble. More...

Social/Emotional Development

Reacts when you sing, call his name, or attempt to play. More...
Enjoys playing with other people; may cry when playing stops. More...
Becomes more communicative with face and body. More...
Smiles! Grins! More...
Recognizes familiar faces. More...
Appears joyful often. More...
Laughs out loud. More...

Cognitive Development

Stares at her hands and fingers. More...
Plays with her fingers. More...
Brings his hands to his mouth. More...
Has accustomed to regular eating and sleeping patterns.

It's hard to think that she can do all these things when she is still so little. I am so proud of both of my children and how far they have come already, and I am excited to see how they progress.







Even though Sariah has rolled over more then a few times it seems like she just didn't want to do it today, but she gave her best effort.

Growing up so fast

Did you know that kids grow up way to fast? Yeah it's so true. Sariah is 14 weeks old and getting bigger everyday. Watching my little girl hit different milestones is awesome, but saddening. It's the same thing with Kyle, every day he is getting bigger and bigger and more independent. Is it bad of me to want them both to stay small? Sariah is a little talker and mover, I fear that one of these days I am going to look over while we are doing tummy time to see that she has just taken off. She is already trying to get up on her knees, and can sorta push herself while on her tummy. Maybe I got spoiled because Kyle took a long time to crawl and I kinda liked it like that (yes I know that sounds bad). She also reaches for things and holds onto toys, pacis and fingers. My little girl is also no longer just happy with a bottle and wants real food. She loves sitting up so she can look around and see what's going on, and she loves watching football.
As I said before she loves to talk and growl. I am not so sure where the growling came from, but it's kinda cute.
So here is a short video of Sariah talking to her bear.


Again, both of my kids are growing up way to fast for my liking and I wish they would stay small, but it's all part of life.