Can't always be super mom

My lowest of lows...

So yesterday afternoon I reached a breaking point. I found myself on the stairs crying because I just couldn't take it anymore. Everyday I try my hardest to be supermom / wife. I push myself to try and get everything done without asking for help. This is one thing I never seem to do and it drives Vincent up a wall. I have issues with asking for help, even asking Vincent for help. To me asking for help means that I am weak and can't do it all even though I know I can't. My morning and midafternoon were going rather well, even though I was running on about 3 hours of sleep. But then about the time I was going to start dinner Sariah melted down. It seemed that she was doing everything in her power to drive me nuts. Like getting into the cabniets and pulling things off the shelves. When I put the gate up to keep them out of the kitchen she just started screaming as loud as she could. 
                                 
I was already upset because Vincent had told me that we was going to take Kyle outside with him while he made the pallet table for the kids and then changed his mind. Rightfully so as he was going to be using power tools and didn't want the kids around them. Because I was already upset every little thing just added to the pot making things worse. I went about cutting the veggies for my stir-fry listening to Sariah crying and screaming. It didn't help that Kyle was picking on her making her even more upset. I eventually gave in to her and let the gate down. big mistake! At this point I had the veggies cooking so I brought her back into the living room and turned on something on netflixs. Usually that makes her better, not this time. She kept crying because she was both hungry and sleepy. I kept trying to tell her I was working on it just to calm down. But of course being 1 (well not just yet) she didn't understand what I was telling her. Next thing I noticed was my veggies that were suppose to be steaming were burning! At that point after listening to almost an hour of non-stop crying and dinner buring I had enough. Do you think I would go outside and ask Vincent for help...no of course not. I was still mad at him and was blaming him for that fact that Sariah was upset. In hindsight all she wanted was to spend time with mommy and help me.

But I just couldn't help it. I went and sat on the stairs and started crying.
                                  
The baby gate was up and both of my children were at the bottom of the stairs looking at me. Even though Kyle couldn't say mommy it will be okay, he had that look. Finally Vincent came inside to find me on the steps crying, along with Sariah crying. He made a comment about how if structed activites for them they wouldn't be like this. His comment wasn't meant to be upsetting as he was just trying to tell me why they were acting this way. I quickly snapped at him and told him he could watch them and I went up to my room.

What I have realized is that I need to get back to my schedule for the kids, I can't do everything myself, and I need to stop and ask for help when I need it.
It's so hard for me to talk about this because I don't want people to know that I was on my steps crying, but I wanted to shared that everyone has bad days.

Getting things done

Just some updates:

I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for my parent's help. Thanks to my dad the floor is basically done in the back room, at least we can now walk across it without worrying about falling thru. My parents have also gotten us a washer machine. It is so nice to be able to wash our dirty clothes here instead of the laundry mat. Going to the laundry mat was always an adventure because I would have to pack up both kids and the clothes. Sometimes it's rather hard to entertain small children at the laundry mat.

Vincent has been scanning all his family pictures he has (there is a lot) from his Great Aunt Barbara. This can be a very daunting task as well as time consuming.

I have my garden pretty much done. Only thing left to plant is the blueberry bush, my strawberries in the front, and my hanging tomatoes. This should be done either Sunday afternoon or Monday.

Wednesday we have an appointment with a First Steps consular so we can talk about Kyle's speech. He is behind in his speech and I think he will need a speech therapist to help get him caught up.

Invitations have been ordered for Sariah's first birthday and I am so excited. Next I will be planning Kyle's 2nd birthday :) Wow has time flown by.

So that is it for now. I will be posting pictures of the newly redone back room and the garden soon.

Oh The Simple Things

If there is one thing that having children has taught me (besides patience), it is that you can find joy even in the simplest things. Before I had even gotten pregnant I always told myself that my kids would have the best of everything, toys, clothing, etc. Once I got pregnant with Kyle we didn't have a lot of money, so it was a lot of second hand stuff that was bought. No biggie, because I soon realized that he quickly grew out of things or had no interest in the toys he did have. What has brought him the biggest joys are boxes! He has a love of boxes both big and small. They make the best of toys! We have one really big box that is turned on it's side. Kyle uses that box as kinda like a hideout and he thinks it is the coolest thing ever.

So here is my advice, if you ever think you need a lot of gadgets or toys to make you happy take a lesson from Kyle. Just enjoy the small simple things of life.

Becoming a big girl so fast

Every day that passes Sariah gets another day older. Not only does she get older, but she is trying and learning new things. Today was our first day of sippy cup use. Yes, that is right we used a sippy cup. Now baby girl isn’t even 6 months old yet and I wasn’t sure if she was ready, however big brother Kyle thought she was. It was lunch time for Sariah and I had put her in the high chair / booster seat and I guess Kyle thought she might be a bit thirsty. He took his cup (it has a straw) and put it on the tray and she grabbed it and put it to her mouth and tried to suck on it. So I decided while I am trying to get her to poop to give her apple juice and instead of giving it in a bottle I did a sippy cup that Kyle doesn’t use anymore. She had some issues with the juice running out of her mouth, but other then that she did pretty good.



Still have a hard time seeing how fast she is growing up, next thing you know she’ll be sitting up on her own (we are working on that) and crawling around (she has perfected the art of rolling over) and talking (you can always tell from her blah blahs when she is happy or mad).

These are the times to cherish I say.