Can't always be super mom

My lowest of lows...

So yesterday afternoon I reached a breaking point. I found myself on the stairs crying because I just couldn't take it anymore. Everyday I try my hardest to be supermom / wife. I push myself to try and get everything done without asking for help. This is one thing I never seem to do and it drives Vincent up a wall. I have issues with asking for help, even asking Vincent for help. To me asking for help means that I am weak and can't do it all even though I know I can't. My morning and midafternoon were going rather well, even though I was running on about 3 hours of sleep. But then about the time I was going to start dinner Sariah melted down. It seemed that she was doing everything in her power to drive me nuts. Like getting into the cabniets and pulling things off the shelves. When I put the gate up to keep them out of the kitchen she just started screaming as loud as she could. 
                                 
I was already upset because Vincent had told me that we was going to take Kyle outside with him while he made the pallet table for the kids and then changed his mind. Rightfully so as he was going to be using power tools and didn't want the kids around them. Because I was already upset every little thing just added to the pot making things worse. I went about cutting the veggies for my stir-fry listening to Sariah crying and screaming. It didn't help that Kyle was picking on her making her even more upset. I eventually gave in to her and let the gate down. big mistake! At this point I had the veggies cooking so I brought her back into the living room and turned on something on netflixs. Usually that makes her better, not this time. She kept crying because she was both hungry and sleepy. I kept trying to tell her I was working on it just to calm down. But of course being 1 (well not just yet) she didn't understand what I was telling her. Next thing I noticed was my veggies that were suppose to be steaming were burning! At that point after listening to almost an hour of non-stop crying and dinner buring I had enough. Do you think I would go outside and ask Vincent for help...no of course not. I was still mad at him and was blaming him for that fact that Sariah was upset. In hindsight all she wanted was to spend time with mommy and help me.

But I just couldn't help it. I went and sat on the stairs and started crying.
                                  
The baby gate was up and both of my children were at the bottom of the stairs looking at me. Even though Kyle couldn't say mommy it will be okay, he had that look. Finally Vincent came inside to find me on the steps crying, along with Sariah crying. He made a comment about how if structed activites for them they wouldn't be like this. His comment wasn't meant to be upsetting as he was just trying to tell me why they were acting this way. I quickly snapped at him and told him he could watch them and I went up to my room.

What I have realized is that I need to get back to my schedule for the kids, I can't do everything myself, and I need to stop and ask for help when I need it.
It's so hard for me to talk about this because I don't want people to know that I was on my steps crying, but I wanted to shared that everyone has bad days.

Getting things done

Just some updates:

I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for my parent's help. Thanks to my dad the floor is basically done in the back room, at least we can now walk across it without worrying about falling thru. My parents have also gotten us a washer machine. It is so nice to be able to wash our dirty clothes here instead of the laundry mat. Going to the laundry mat was always an adventure because I would have to pack up both kids and the clothes. Sometimes it's rather hard to entertain small children at the laundry mat.

Vincent has been scanning all his family pictures he has (there is a lot) from his Great Aunt Barbara. This can be a very daunting task as well as time consuming.

I have my garden pretty much done. Only thing left to plant is the blueberry bush, my strawberries in the front, and my hanging tomatoes. This should be done either Sunday afternoon or Monday.

Wednesday we have an appointment with a First Steps consular so we can talk about Kyle's speech. He is behind in his speech and I think he will need a speech therapist to help get him caught up.

Invitations have been ordered for Sariah's first birthday and I am so excited. Next I will be planning Kyle's 2nd birthday :) Wow has time flown by.

So that is it for now. I will be posting pictures of the newly redone back room and the garden soon.

Crib or toddler bed?

So the other day we were on the floor playing with the kids when Vincent piped up about turning Kyle's crib into a toddler bed, and it went sorta like this.
Vincent: "I think we should change Kyle's crib into a toddler bed".
Me:"mmm, okay are you sure about that?"
Vincent: "Yes I am sure,"
Me: "This would mean that he can get up and crawl around in the middle of the night, etc"
Vincent: "I think it would encourage him to start walking"
Me:"Well if you are so sure about it why not, but you can sleep with him tonight to make sure he doesn't get up"

So within a few moments we were in the kid's room taking Kyle's crib apart. It was rather funny since the instruction manual was pictures and no words! Way to go you Sweds (crib was from Ikea). After awhile we had it done, challenge met. Now would come the hard part, getting Kyle to sleep in his new found toddler bed. So far he liked it, but he was unaware of what was to come.

The first night was the hardest of them all, he was up at least 3 different times. ( I went to bed and let Vincent deal with it). I had woken up around 3AM because I needed to go to the bathroom and when I looked Kyle was in the living room playing. I was kinda upset to see my 15 month old son up playing at 3am! Vincent said he was thirsty so he had given him something to drink (little did I know it was kool aid, and yes I can take 90% of the blame for pouring it in the first place). So I took him in my room to lay down, hoping that being in my room would calm him down. Nope I was completely wrong. Vincent came to lay down as well, but Kyle was far to hyper. He played and played on our bed, all the while trying to keep him confined. Finally I had enough, I took him into his own room and laid him on his bed and closed to door. He threw a fit for about 10 minutes, in the process caused himself to throw up and then quieted down. I went in to check on him and had to change his sheets, at this point I just stayed in the room with him.
So we didn't get a whole lot of sleep, but oh well. Nap time was the same, only I just stayed in the room rubbing his head and he fell asleep after about 15 minutes.

So the next night was a bit easier, and he only woke up once. When he woke up I ended up sleeping next to him again, just for comfort.

Last night seemed like a breeze, around 9pm I turned on the tv in his room and watched CSI, around 9:30 I turned it off. After about 30 minutes of playing in the dark he laid down and went to sleep and slept all night! I have come to the realization that I just need to let him play until he is so tired that he is ready to go to bed on his own. I am starting to think now when I used to put him in his crib that he didn't go to sleep right away. I still don't know how naps are gonna go, but at least now I know he can sleep in his bed without waking up and crawling around.

I said I would give it about 3 or 4 days to see how he is doing, and so far he is doing pretty well.

Here are some pictures: